Mountains and molehills

Full disclosure: I have had cosmetic surgery on my breasts.

When I asked my surgeon how big I was, he said: ‘When I take a normal D cup down to a C, I remove half a pound of flesh from each breast. On you, I took a pound and a half off each one.’

There were days when I couldn’t pull myself upright because my back was so sore, mostly because I had spent the weekend playing ball and further stressing my back.

It made sense, my surgeon told me, because every pound of flesh on a woman’s chest creates 15 pounds per square inch of pressure on her lower back. Physics, fulcrum points and all that yada yada.

Yep, I went under the knife. For my physical health and, yes, for my self-esteem, too.

Because you see, when you’re that well-breasted, that’s all people see. I was even tagged with a nickname ‘Juggs’ for a while, thanks to that one line, ‘look at the jugs on her,’ in Slap Shot.

And 10 years later, I want another one. They’ve grown back, just as my surgeon said they would. My breasts are full of healthy tissue, instead of the fat layers many women are cursed with.

Or maybe I’m a starfish.

In any case, I’m back to that stage where shirts don’t close properly. Bras have to be expensive and purchased somewhere other than La Senza. I can be wearing a turtleneck and you’ll still see cleavage.

So I get to look at it from the other side of the coin and I wonder why some women are envious of my curvy, over-laden top, when I long for the perky B cups I had when I was 14.

And I wonder why they would intentionally subject themselves to this life.

But we all have our insecurities, right? We all  have our body issues. My hair is too straight/curly, my stomach isn’t flat enough, my boobs are too small/big, my skin is too pale, my nose is too … well, you get the picture.

That’s why Amp Calgary’s latest marketing campaign makes me cringe.

Have the Breast Summer Ever and win a $10,000 breast augmentation. You have to tell Amp Calgary why you want a boob job and then subject yourself to an online voting contest.

Great. Beg for it and then have the drooling frat boys of the world click on a Facebook picture to garner you votes.

It combines — and plays off — two of our most infamous quirks in the internet age: insecurities and attention whoring.

Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy, doesn’t it?

Frankly, I’m guilty of both. But if it’s all the same to you, if I need to deal with the former, I won’t use the latter to get it.

And to make a contest out of it?

That’s just revolting.

 

11 thoughts on “Mountains and molehills

  1. Thanks for the comment on the AMP contest, Angela. I appreciate your personal situation offers a unique perspective on our contest. There are many reasons people will go in for this procedure and already this morning we’re seeing that represented in the entries. From brides-to-be who want a pickup before their wedding to moms who’s bodies been through labour and delivery many times and are looking to reverse the clock.

    We’re paying special attention to these stories behind the entry to help us pick our top 10 and trust the AMP Radio listenership will also cheer for who they find to be the most deserving contestant.

    I’d encourage you to engage in the debate on the AMP Radio Facebook page. (http://www.facebook.com/ampradiocalgary) Both sides are being well represented in that discussion and perhaps seeing the pro side from the actual people excited about the contest will dampen your displeasure.

    Again, thanks for taking the time to tweet and write and spread the message. Engagement is key in this new media world.

  2. Love this. That contest is so gross. I feel so terrible for any woman with low enough self-esteem to submit her photo for guys to tell her what’s wrong with her body.

  3. Madison says:

    oh wow, I don’t listen to AMP, and now never will. I had no idea about this, this is so wrong, if someone feels the need to get voted on by all the creepy guys that they probably complain about getting hit on by on the weekend, they should use the ten grand for therapy not a boob job. Everyone has their insecurities, yes but subjecting yourself to have those insecurities voted on is just wrong.

  4. Jenna says:

    Being someone that wants bigger tata’s, i see the appeal of the giveaway. Growing up I was never happy with my chest. Though being a B allowed me to play hockey and other sports without pain (or equipment issues) and for that I am grateful. I wanted to be curvy. Some women are comfortable in their bodies regardless of chest (or other) sizes. I applaud them. I am not one of them. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my body (stretch marks & baby belly included) but I see nothing wrong with wanted to enhance what yo’ mama gave ya (or what having kids left you with). If that means (within reason) enhancing or reducing the size of your chest, well good on you.

    I don’t think the idea of the contest is what’s poor, it’s how it’s judged and the winner determined. Perhaps a system of a judging panel (wisely selected of course) with top entrants going to a vote. I’d never personally enter it regardless, but I am certain there are women out there that it could genuinely do some good for. Unfortunately it will likely turn into the hottest milf or an aspiring playboy model contest.

  5. Cameron Chapman says:

    A very personal story to share. Thank you for that… Offers real perspective on something that most of us would just be disgusted by then move on.

    Also: I didn’t know AMP radio existed until I read this, now I know to avoid it.

  6. admin says:

    Hey Lonnie,

    I promise you won’t be censored here, unless it’s hate-driven and outright rude. What forum is being moderated?

    To everyone, thanks so much for your comments. Some women can be excited about this contest but as Jenna points out, one huge issue is how the winner will be determined.

    Crowdsourcing has its pros and cons. It’s extremely naive of Amp to think this isn’t one of the cons.

    At its very base, the contest is a primer for Skankpede and an opportunity for drooling frat boys to reduce women to their looks and their superficial being.

    Is that really who we want to be as women?

  7. Laura Mazerolle says:

    It’s embarrassing, shameful, primitive and irresponsible that a radio station, in Canada, would subject so many it’s female listeners to this sort of gong show contest likely inspired by the fine examples seen on Housewives (et al) or Jersey Shore. Breast augmentation should be a personal choice, not a choice made by a panel of juveniles. Seriously??!

  8. Savannah says:

    I hope the women who are considering this think long and hard about the implications before hitting the ‘apply’ or ‘submit’ button.
    What will happen to your life if your name and picture are on these sites associated to this contest and what it represents? What happens if you actually win?
    Loved your point about insecurites and attention whoring. Having random people tell you your beautiful and voting for you over the internet will not boost your self esteem. That comes from within.
    Calgary is a very small place, I would hate to see them lose out on opportunities (career or otherwise) later on because they entered such a ridiculous contest.
    Instead of wasting your time with this silliness, focus your energy on actually working on your self-esteem, relationships, career and whatever else will bring a positive change in your life that does not involve begging for life altering surgery.

What's on your mind?